Lies..?

I simply can't believe it but i actually said it.

Yeah its time i guess. Everyone's moving on, so what about me? I wasn't able to sleep yesterday night and i sent a text at 5am+.

What i've received is accusing of me, lying.

Yeah indeed i am. I've said before, so what if promises are mend t be broken? Still make that promise and strive hard t keep it isn't it.

Sorry, i've tried my best t keep it.

Haha, and you just tell me to stfu.

Being bu gan xin, i wrote a long text. & i've been staring at it for almost an hour before i press the ''send'' button.

Your reply was, 'im sorry....'.

Well. I didn't blame you. I just wanted to let you know how I feel. & I wanted to know how you feel too.

Since i'm alrdy being a bitch, why not bitch till the end. Forget me. There's so many girls in the world and in fact your're alrdy surrounded by many girls. So it's no difference with or without me.

Sorry, i broke another promise. I said i would ignore him. I did go up to lvl 3, but i fall again. It's too high for me to reach the end. Besides there's no end to it. My heart is aching.

He said he'll get outta of life.

I've learnt something. It's easy to make a promise, and it's difficult to keep it.

Alright. Sad things apart, i don't wanna be an emo girl.

let's talk about ytd.

It was aces day + teacher's day celebration.

It was a blast, though school ended at the usual timing.

Wait, the blast i mean, was only during lessons time. We were supposed to have lessons after aces, but thanks to our class 'spirit', we managed to persuade all teachers to let us have fun.

Physics- it was boring though we didn't have to study or what. Walked around the whole school with cow and was freaking boring i swear. Tianshen's back to school after a really long term mc for about 8months! Welcome back you princess. :) He's funny and cute. hahaha.

English - i simply loved it. Bcos TS was new in class, our lovely chairperson ym decides that we should perform a skit and act as how our english teacher acts in class normally while our real teacher sits behind at the back of the classroom and see how we act. YM was the teacher. Okay that was seriously funneh. fyi, our english teacher is a gamer, someone who always talks about life and etc. YM was seriously observant and the way he act is exactly the same. funny lesson. & our dear english teacher was seriously laughing like mad for the first time. (Y)

Recess - Nothing much, & i realise i didn't eat for the whole day until night time. I can't believe it myself either. My cow stomach is shrinking i guess. haha.

Maths - Yep same thing happened again. YM be the maths teacher and maths teacher sits at the back of the classroom. Fyi, our dear maths teacher is a muscle man who's a bit hunch back, hands always in the pocket but every step he takes there will be a tempo in it. Also, he loves t blink a lot and is a teacher of biasness. Yep ym met all the criteria and manage to do a good job. & our teacher is like arm-chioing while pouting, when ym do the 'bias acts'. HAHA.

Concert - I didn't know east spring had such hidden talents. Our sec 3 dancers was awesome (Y) and i just wanted to join them badly. From now, im going to save money and go t a dance school t learn dance. If not i'll have to wait 2 years later. I'm going to buck up and study hard for my O's and go to a poly where i can learn dance there.

Last lesson of the day - Nth much. They were playing again but i was practically tired. Besides i slept at 2am+ the previous day and i guess superwoman's energy has its limit too.

Slept in class and went home after school. I have no intention of going out at all, just thought of camping home everyday.

On and on, i was happy, i guess. Whether is it real or fake, i really did laugh and smile for real. Puttin on a fake smile is not t let others worried, but as time goes by the fake smile will get real. Yep eventually. Just that who'd be that person who'll pick me up and help me.

Life sucks. Of course. Who say it doesn't. So what? It's a maze and a path for you to complete. Instead of thinking that your're in a worse situation, why not think that there are still others who are in a even worser situation than you do. & thr will be people who'd help you. Be optimistic. Deaths doesn't solve everything. If it does, everyone would be dead by then, there's no such thing called Earth. It's kinda stupid anyway. haha.

Lili wake up. WAKE UP UR MIND AND TELL URSELF WHICH HAVE YOU DECIDED.

Z.Z

Forget it, i'm going to the gym later, i guess...? but tt idiot haven't wake up i think. =.=

I wanna audi like suddenly. Games, i'm a little addicted to it now. oh no. fml fml fml ~

okay, im going to stone now. I can't believe why i can write such a long post every time i post. hahaha.

Ciaox. :)

stay strong baby, no more tears ~

Haru Haru .

Ano .. Haruharu? Hai, day by day i suppose so.

Yep, things did improve(lying).
We didn't talked for almost the whole day. (true)
Awesome much.(sacarstic)

But oh well, apparently i don't feel anything.
----------------------------------------------------------



Guess that method works.
& also, being a game freak works too.

Suddenly, i feel so blank .



I just wanna leave some spaces and by looking at the background of this, it's white. & that's what in my mind now i guess. Fresco.

Okay. I should just summarize everything that happened today, regardless whether it's something minor or major. Whatever.

It was raining early in the morning, I thought of walking in the rain but it'll be so retarded to get myself sick at this fucking point of time.
When i got in class, straight pissed off when i saw that man face. -'-
& also, thanks fellow classmates, for making me laugh.
Like seriously, since they won't see, i shall name them already.
Wesley you monkey jokah! Never failed to make people laugh. hahaha.
Izzwan u chek chek~ cute face la you. Hahas!
Khoi - damn u chocolate, fucking horny and always humping ur gay partners as usual. However you sure did made me had a good laugh. (Y)
Yanming - TSK, nth to say.
Yea, and alot more. :)

Bloggy, dont be jealous. I still love you more because i am sharing my secrets with ya. Even my LG don't know ley, people attached alr, i should have let her have more time with andrew ^^
Ops, though i think only one person know already.

After school, i was suppose t meet LG with cow, but she wake up late and im tired, so yeah, postponed. I went t meet my sis instead and have lunch, together w jiamei and ben.
Thanks to you guys too, although the attention wasn't me, but i really had a good laugh. I swear, really.

Without all those, i think my today will be totally crush. Totally.
Life , still has to go on. Same old words, but the meanings are always the same. I guess.

Homed and had a hair cut. Do some revision and Audi all the while. Yep audi, only. I didn't include msn and facebook or whatever shit is it that consist of communications and any chance that i might see him online.

So, though you guys can't see this, but im sincerely apologizing for ignoring or giving late replies. I didn't meant to but i have to. I'm turning cruel . Sorry for being selfish but that's the only way i won't get hurt. And neither of us will get hurt .

This might be escaping from reality, but i call it the best solution for Now. I can't really say it's permanently, i don't know, but i'll have to think about my present before moving on to the future. For now , just stay constant and nothing'll happen. Look on the bright side, be optimistic, comeon lili, isn't this what you always taught people? You can do it too. Don't just say words and show out your actions alright?

. - Thank you. Really thank you for all ur advices. I might not be following it all the time, but really, i truthfully wants to thank you. Sometimes i might sound arrogant and all pissed, you control and tried to calm me down. When i'm all lost and only knows how to cry, you came to me and teach me what to do. You did almost everything for me when i can't find my correct path. You will help me, but you have your own life to lead too, i can't always depend on you right. Goodluck! :') & i still love you don't worry hehheh. Rmb our dots and commas? wink wink .

, - I thought you were just some typical gamer. Like seriously. Until we really started talking and you expose lots of things about me. I didnt even say anythin and you knew. Or is it that im too easy to read? I don't know and i hope not :(
I got a feeling ur're going to be my next .. someone important. I have no idea who would you be to me but for now i don't want to go on and elaborate further ..

= - Yep, to the both of you. Without realising, we had known each other for years already. Until recently we always hang out together and gossiping about people, it was really fun with you guys. But both of you had your own life to lead too. I can't always be the lightbulb right..
Still, I am happy . Though.. Nevermind. :)

* - Yea lastly you. ERh, i really had no idea what to say and i know ur're reading it now. :$
TaOYAN! IDK LA!~~~ :$:$:$
Not yet i guess. I can imagine you reading it now and i'll go ...... .____.''''' ..
Like seriously. Heh.

Interesting, waiting for something else eh? i guess only 20% of this post is talkin about him. I'm glad. Hahs.

Things i wanna say foryou, will only be kept in my heart. Sorry.

Truth will still be out one day, miao.
J.I.A.Y.O.U.
Smile, the key. 'show ur shining teeeeth!~' :DD

-'- , time check- 0139. LILI, LE YAU SIU HA, ANI ARM LIAO STILL MAI WUK SI BO?! knn dey le! @#$%^! -'-
Aces day tml, wish me goodluck AIR. ~
-dyin dyin dyin-
Faint.
HAOHAOHAO IM RELI TURNING IN, CIAO BLOGGEH.

Temporary.

I hope im not having a breakdown.

Your words just mean so much to me, somehow.
Yet, i had t lie to myself.
i HAD to ignore u.
This is better. I guess.

Right now, my only comfort is hiding myself in the blankets and cry secretly.
Freaking cold. -'-

I hope after that cry i would be btr.

Thankyou , jes.

Thankyou, xm.

F.L.I.R.T

FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT AND FLIRT!
IS THIS THE BEST YOU CAN GET?

FAIL .

seriously,
did you did it on purpose?
LIKE SERIOUSLY? FOR AWHILE I WAS PISSED OFF TT I WANNA PUNCH YOU .
-'-

YES , continue all you want i shall grant your wish.
If you fucking hate me so much just tell me, you don't have to do this. _l_

IF you think i'll just give up cos of that, urre wrong.
IF you think its the best way still, urre wrong again.
IF you think that i will hate you forever like tt, URRE SO WRONG.

This is called avoiding.
Comeon, u know me.
You think i'm a person who would give up tt easily? -'- = = -'-
GODDAMN SAKE FML SOMEONE PLS COME N STAB ME TY = =llllll
OH THIS IS SO AWESOME I CANT BELIEVE I'LL GET TO RANT HERE ONCE AGN GREAT. (Y)

sucker, do whatever ways you want. I shall see ur methods and i shall see my patience.
YOU WIN THIS TIME . CONGRADUATIONS . (Y)

Sup.

Sashibudidesu.

It has been N years since i've blogged, and i have no idea when will this blog last. Maybe forever, maybe awhile, i don't know. ^^
Anyway this will be a very private blog that only I myself can read it, so i guess i could rant almost everything here. I will feel better. I believe that bloggies don't say out my secrets, don't comment and keeps quiet whenever i comment on anything. That might be the best, well, for now only.

Guess what! It's xm who wanted me t blog, and i don't know i somehow feel it will be a great idea, though i think that blogging is kinda stupid and a waste of time in the past. Now, nehh..
Thanks for the suggestions hehe.

Well i don't know what to start with, but i bet 80% of this blog, i would be talking about him.
AWEEESOME (Y) -sarcastic.-
One more week, and i'm knowing you for 3 months already.
So short yet so long.
Many things happened.
It will be a never ending story if i typed it all out, but i guess i'm suppose to do that since i'm starting this blog ^^.

3months ago, we met.
Then, we fell for each other.
Then, we were together.
Then, things started to change.
Then, we decided to go separate ways, though we didnt,
Then, you told me you wanted to be single.
Then, you said you till love me.
I believe ur words.
However, u were busy flirting with other girls, and u used to tell me that you don't like girls who flirt. Look at what your're doing now.
You tell me too many things, too many lies that even now my mind is wavering.
I, wanted to believe you.
But u said u can't give me anything, u can't be thr whn i need you.
It's fine with me, i can wait.
However, you wanted me to forget you.
& ur're being cold towards me.
more and more cold.
that i'm freezing.
I hope it's just an act, but i don't want to lie to myself anymore. Since it's what u want, even if it's an act, i'll jus get along.

''Until now , i realise, we're jus mare online friends. Even my other online friends are better than you, so it should be easy for me t forget you. However it's just so difficult. I am confused myself too. You are changing, indeed. I'm totally speechless and now we have nth in common to say. Maybe its better if we go separate ways. But, i still don't get it, you said you still love me and i don't wanna give up that tiny piece of hope cause of that. You made me so paranoid that i'm starting t change too. Do you know that? I doubt so. You made me feel e ups and downs. Sometimes you just made me happy, sometimes angry and sad and tired and all mixed feelings started t come out. I know ur're stress, but who isn't?''

This is written in my phone's memo. There's more to come. When im feeling down or what i would jolt down what events had happen.

''I guessed, it's time for some actions. I don't know how limit is my patience going on. Look, are we going t be 'friends forever' that doesn't meet, have nth in common and might jus leave the country anytime? Please, this is too insane.''

Last quote of the day. Right, seriously i don't feel any better. It reminds me of the past only. But i guess this stops my complaining and rants to other people. :)
If smth happen again, i will continue at night.
Bye.