LOL

This is supposed t be an laugh-out-loud post, because i have no idea what i'm gonna write, and you've no idea why am i writing this. HOI p.s. lili is not crazy.

'' I don't care eh eh eh eh eh ''

i don't give it give it a fuck fuck.
All & all i'm having fun and being a betch is enjoying.
I have no feelings anymore and don't wanna care what the fuck others think,
as long as i'm happy.
Same too, i won't care about how they feel because,
I am selfish
I am cool
I am happy that is all.
Maybe its a big change but get used to it cause i'm alr getting used t it soon
i have my own life
& im having lots of fun
real fun
not fake ones
Just try smiling
do it for others
for urself
Touch ur heart and think
'is it worth it?'
comeon,
its not.
So,
i
dont
give
it
a
fucking
DAMN. miao~

HAHAHA, don't i sound like i'm writing a lyics? Seriously i didnt event thought of that. My words ust came out on its own. O:

ERM, smth's wrong w me but i'm conscious of what i'm writing about.
Friday's paper 1, gonna hmm play audi soon AND STUDYYYYYYYY.

YAY satsatsat<3, hope its gonna be fun and i hope im not wrong about ya. :]

LASTLY, broke w sean, fugew bitch LOL

tata~

how. why. what. well ?

Questions and full of questions filled in my mind. & sorry blog, i left you alone here until today. Was kinda busy(actually lazy) yeah.

Was audi-ing peacefully, then laosam send me a text, saying that thr's smth wrong and he's gonna cry soon. I'm like wtf and she's alr on the way to KL enjoying the ride talking with friends and all that. Currently, literally comforting him, hoping his friends will quickly go to him and give him some advice. He's really a joker, a good person, good boyfriend. My damn sis just won't fucking appreciate it. Now, to see him being like that, i somehow feel sad too ..

I don't even have the mood to play now.

anyway, i can't say too much too. The most i can do is to assure him, telling him there's nothing wrong first. Wait for her to fucking come back and have a good talk. She's really doing it overboard. Even an idiot knows what to do.

Let's don't talk about that couple, i said i won't handle it, or care so much. Else i'm just getting myself into trouble, though i can't stand to see anymore. Whatever huh.

Well, this few days, passed.. peacefully. Kinda.

There that L go with his nonsense again, and it's like.. i don't know how to say but i'm just bwg. However i realize maybe i can live without him, and i'm happy for that. Starting, things improve, then drop, and maintain again. This is confusing but i sort of know the pattern already. Used to it, understand? Those frustrations still have to come to an end eventually.

I made new friends, virtually, real life, i don't really care. Honestly, at first i wanted a couple to anger him. After awhile i thought that it was stupid, so i stopped. However i don't is it fate or what that i did found one on that day. haha. I wanted t apologize to Sean, cos i think that i've treated him as substitute from the first time we met, in game. BUT i'm very glad that he wasn't like other guys, and most importantly he doesn't text much, a busy guy who always hang out only. GREAT i swear, seriously.

Anw i can't remember after my last update. LOL. I'll try to type as much for those that i can remember then ..

18 sept: er forgot.

19sept, sun: HAPPY 1YR ANNIVERSARY SISTERS ziyang, jes, ws just the 4 of us ^^

Steamboat day, damn there's lots of cheena and the shop is also open by cheena. Can't stand some of their attitudes, daaaa. However overall was not bad luh. :) &, saw ZL that day. for goodness sake i didn't know the shop we're going to is just beside TOPONE ktv and their boss is the same. BWG. he almost stalked me, however stopped by jes n zy. phew....

Dua him for the whole day. I said ttyl but i didn't reply. i didn't reply everyone, xm too, ps :x.

.

.

20sept, mon: ohya, happybirthday sean. LOL.

Well i haven't been sleeping well this week. I don't know why or is it because i've audi-ed too much? Guess so, laughs.

21 sept, tue:

funny. I was just joking w sean, saying that my science sucks and i needed tuition. He offered to tuition me AND ASSUMING that he should be okay since he's sec 4, so oh well we met.

FOR THE FIRST TIME. My mind was saying right i'm nervous right now however i played w him like a mad woman., unexpectedly. haha! he came to find me anyway.

So starting it was like, he waited for me while smoking, and suddenly he stopped replying. After that he was actually caught by police for smoking = =l how unlucky could that be? im jinx man sighed. Sooooo to cheer him up i said lets share one more pack and we reli bought. LOL. (actually it was partly an excuse also nah, hey i haven't been smoking for months already alright!) So.. went to STUDY near my house the RC there, and realize i got scammed by him. Currently he's studying in NA and failed all subjects except for dnt and english. how great = =lll. Vomit blood.

So the STUDY plan sort of fail. & what's even more funny is that he didn't even bring anything. .......

We were just lepak-ing everywhere and he's an old man i swear. Gosh. & keep steal my phone. zzzzz. see my messages somemore!@#$% though i don't mind but i don't feel like showing. LOL. Besides, i think he only saw one msg and is not suppose to see. sighed x2 . crap around and he went back to woodlands to find other friends while i headed home. such a busyman right? That's good !

Anyway, i didn't treat him as a substitute anymore. I treat him as a guy whom i know and i am being myself. I'm happy for that too.

I also realize that i no longer love him that much, though i'll get affected at times.

:)

24sept, thur. Erm, chinese oral, got 32/40. shocking O: @ night, celebrated mother's advance birthday @ thai express @ siglap, near upper coast road. La la la. Was great yeah and had a good laugh too.

Today yeah. 25sept fri.

Nothing much, ew i was angry w sean!!!! damn u bitch -'- fck ni dadali ZZZ LOL why the hell am i so violent oh gosh..... but anw i think we sort of communicate that way & we both know we did no harm to each other :> who would do that i wonder. = =l weird us.

Well. Spend the day.. i got nothing to elaborate. I guess i'm too tired too think now uh.

AND YES JACKY!!!! i got a feeling that.. oh well. can't assume till i see it with my own eyes . ^^

&& lastly, i hand up my passport today. Which means the days of going to laos are reaching soon too. I hope that one week will make me grow more mature. & surprises will be coming. Hopefully? Laughs.

Alright, i have no idea when is my next update. I'm off to audi now, ciaoz. Exams coming, guess i will be 'studying' aft tml I HOPE.

miao~

Come again?

I'm currently afk-ing in audi, here to post. Don't know why, just got the sudden mood to do so .
Won't be elaborating much, i'm going back there soon. xm and leon is waiting for me(i tink?)..
Everything was peaceful. But halfway thru the game i just got the urge to cry and was feeling very sad out of a sudden. Besides that idiot was texting me and thanks to his rude attitude i was pissed for awhile too.(not leon.)
I'm suddenly frustrated.
Suddenly tired.
Very tired.
I don't even want to type further,
don't even want to think using my brain and just type whatever word that is in my mind.

Is it really out of a sudden, or there could be some reasons?
However, so far, i can't find any. Just feel like looking myself in the mirror and reflect on everything. Yes, Everything precisely.

Right, i hope i'm feeling better after typing this out. Gonna join them now! P.s. there will be more updates tml, (I HOPE SO.) haha!

ciaoz, & and early goodnight. ~

Ahleyluyah & all the goodbyes.

LOL. As the title states. :)

Ahleyluyah, school's reopening tomorrow and how the fuck am i going t sleep around 10-11pm and wakes at 6 in the morning? During the one week holiday, i had been sleeping at 4am the earliest. CAN'T SLEEP!

Luckily, i manage t complete SOME of the homework.
Hmm. But i'm still sort of stress. Pre-exam stress i guess. Haha!
I thought i would be a good gal and study during the one week, yet i failed t do so and even got addicted in audition. sighed. however i can still say i enjoyed this one week, overall. but there are still some struggles yeah.

Okay i shall continue from whr i've stopped.
-
8sept, wed:
I spent my whole day at home, slept more than 12hrs and still sleeping. COOL. I audi-ed all the way too, at night. Nothing much that day.

9sept, thurs:
Went t cow's. Jes was cooking for us and we had our lunch/dinner at cow's house. Sweet. ^^
Her cooking can be compared with my mother and her dishes got more varieties. In another words, unique. cool i like it. (Y).
Watched kickass. Not bad but kinda dumb. heh..
left at 8-9+ and just nice he sent me a msg. :O shan't elaborate much. :)
After that i guess it was back t my boring life again. AUDI AUDI AUDI !. =3=
& ops, i lied t my mama that i went t her house t study. LOL.

Ohya before that, i think i found my audi cpl during that day tooo. or is it before? well i dun reli care. LOL.

-SL , seanlow , ahshoon(?) , 16. ^^
& he's.. vain boy naked boy idiot dirty minded aimeigong bhb 'shuaige' EEKK. =.=lll
sweet, i hope we won't fall for each other. LOL. An idiot who calls another idiot. wtf!

10sept, fri:
SWEET! LAN DAY!!! HUALALALAT~ It has been months since we planned for a LAN day. And friday was the day, like finally?
However thr's only me, zy, don and toshi. we spent around 4hrs thr, l4d2-ing . ^^ NB, and i think we wasted 1/4 of the time stuck at one dumb map. & i'm guilty for that. LOL. anw who cares~ Rmbed that i was texting brandon that day. Guessed he was trustable. BESIDES WE ARE NEIGHBOURSSSS (Y). (and i bet he'll surely get damn high if he sees this. =.=)
Went t white sands t meet suiko and had our dinner at the food court. Saw ahqiang like again!
damn zy he got very big stomach i swear. After eating the steamboat thingy w 2 bowls of rice, he went t men men don don and ate another bowl of udon. ZAI. but i swear that udon were appetizing, i'm so goonna eat it again, SWOONN. Aft tt we headed t macs and lepak thr. was eating ICE CREAM. (me and suiko). and yupp, true enough they started w the Suiko Joke again and began teasing, especially the GIST thing. fuck it. =.=
Right, home ard 10+ and i can't really rmb what happen. I think we audi-ed tgt,(xm brandon leon me?) den leon gt drunk. I don't know. If its the normal me i will b afraid t call and blablabla. But now im like comeon emergency first, what if he faints or what? His father will kill him etc. So i called and he was like quiet, but doesn't sound wrong however i keep on hear weird noises. Den he hang up and come in game and say he was actually peeing while i called him and he went offline. DAMN LAME YET FUNNY CAN im like laughing laughing laughing. Okay den we played w/o him and gt talk alot w brandon and I really think that we can become soulmates. LOL.
End of day, can't rmb anything alr.

11sept, sat:
like sweet only, i stayed at home fr th whole day agn.:) okay, i also had no idea wad i've done. like seriously what hav i done in the afternoon. STM zzz. I can only rmb at night. when i saw IT. tian zhu wo ye, i think it's really fated. I jus gt a really weird feeling, i don't mean t suspect but yeah, girls are always full of suspicion, can't blame.
So it started off w me logging into his fb account, i looked at his msges. Hah, i really saw smth. nt smth big but it meant a lot. & that shows everything alrdy. IF he can do t me, he can do it t u, t other girls. Whoever .

It goes smth like this, her fone was spoiled and she sent him a msg explaining and told him nt t be angry.
He said it's okay & she stopped replying.
After a few hours he sent her another msg, saying this:

Imissyou.

Laughs. & she jus gave a ':)'.

How was it? I thought t myself. My heartbeat stops for awhile. & i look into my mind and think hard. Wad's my solution, my plan? what the fuck am i gonna do now. Yep, i know my answers alrdy. I don't think i love him that much anymore. Indeed, i can say after some brain-washing, everyone's right.




Can't believe it. This morning, he sent me a msg at 1+, saying that he's leaving and apologised. Coincidence or not, i wanted t jus say 'okay bye have fun', but i didn't. I can't bear myself t do that. What if it's for real? i would bid farewell and never have him in my life, ever, again. & next reply he just said he's dead serious and its the father who's making him leave, not himself.
But yeah in the end he manage t stay, but w a condition by his dad.

Gahh, honestly we didn't really chat a lot today huh. Guess he's sick and i am, too. I'm tired of everything, as quoted from him. YEAH, I AM, TOO. I'll make sure i get out of ya life. Laughs.

Summary: First of all, he found a cpl during the period whn i was inactive.
Then, they gt married, and even called each other baby and say those mushy words and all.
Knowing the fact that i don't like it, he just apologized and can even tell me it's just a game. JUST A GAME? HEy dear don't make me laugh please. Isn't that the same for us? It just gives me feeling that u just wanted t be surrounded by girls and i'm .. idk how t explain but i don't want t grant ur wish. So and so, one night while we played tgt, jus the two of us, u made me cried. Cos u reminded me of the past. & now its the fact tt u've abondon me. but u told me im nt alone, ur're w me. How can i believe that? But ofc , i said i'll believe you.However. Not anymore. You've break my trust too many times that i don't even know where i've place my heart at.

I have no idea what are your plans, you wouldn't let go either. I'm really afraid of you.
But i will be strong. Come and get me if you can. I won't let loose of myself and will face you.

yeah i guess that's it. I'm so saddd. School stress coming up! School is reopening tml and i'm not prepared for it. SAD. comeon students we can do it! hek shok hek shok hek shok!!! @_@


miao~ Off t audi AWHILE now. yayyyy & say byebye t com alr. shy~
DAMN YOU SL KEEP DOTA ONI GND :(

-earlynights. :D

Is it even necessary? Is there even a need t do so? Is there a need to call each other names and all? And then tell me that it was nothing? Being a dumbass i can still believe and continue with the trust, and now it hurts so badly that it has been numbed already. Since you have her, i'll let you be. As long as u're happy and i'm fine. I'm really numb already, really. Every night i get insomnia, i cry silently in bed every night. I don't know what else i've done but i'm already used to it that i think that it's normal. After all those i had to act normally the next day. It's really difficult ya know. I'm gonna stop all this soon. I just want t be a normal girl leading a normal life, regardless whether it's boring or no freedom, i just want to pass everything peacefully. I'm sick of playing those games already and i'm gonna put an end to it. Only my mind and brain understands what im talking about now.

Imma happy girl .

Dont bloody mess up with me .

Hello bloggeh. My current mood is: Pissed off .


just because.
i sent a late reply aft 3hrs or so cos my fone ran out of battery, i apologised for sending late reply and he fucking gave me attitude and say hes gona drink
i asked him why and he was like 'dont bother me' blablabla and i'm sick of this alr
so being pissed alr i told him fine sry for being a busybody and he replied this:
'np.'
i was fucking pissed i switch off my fone and bloody threw it
i alr tried asking y and he was bein cold
nice one
b4 thatt i told him my problems and he didn't even bothered t comfort me n jus sayin 'lol lol'
HELLO, THIS IS TOTAL BULLSHIT .

Hah, and my problems? Tons of things happened in the chalet too. First part was fine, until we sensed smth eerie in the bunglow. That kind of feeling sucks and i think randy they all offended It. H2H with jes outside the room and talk about him. I almost cried and i knew i was naive and dumb. I know what i'm doing. But forget about what we've said. I thought i could get over it.

Alrights, so we were at the chalet yea, damn that fucking door why the hell is the bunglow so big. =.=. anyway, R came back from dk where and her friends were there too. I opened the door for her and said hello, and she ignored me and gave some sort of a disgusted look. NICE. Then they were staring at jes. Wtf?

Honestly im really sad that jenson's leaving, but i can't do anything. R's there. what the fuck can we do? I don't want them t quarrel and make things worse. Now that i've appeared and if they quarrelled, my appearance will be wasted. Can't believe so many things happened. I've been mia-ing for some reasons not just because of them, cause ZL was jenson's best buddy and ahlong. How the fuck i tell them cause i don't want t see them. I know i'm avoiding but there can't be any better ways.

Sorry jenson, i will bid you farewell on ur last day. SISTAAAABRO <3 :).

Forget it and we just leave first. Went t ehub and lepak there.
Actually i was hoping t see Someone thr but didn't get t.
Instead i saw ahqiang and BALA~ hahaha.

Homed ard 10+ and things started. Hah.

Now something happened w jes tt side too, but i know i'm not suppose t care too much. I still had t comfort though, else what kind of friend am i.

I DON'T KNOW WAD TO SAY AND TODAY SUCKS. DAMN IT!!!!!!

-

Only tiredness can explain my current feelings.

Aik, such a short yet long day, or long yet short day. Whateva.

It has been idk how long since i post. Normally i'll post when i really had fucking many things t split out. Unless i'm really dead tired.

I'm picking up the habit of sleeping late recently, who can help me for goodness sake.
Exam's coming and what the fuck am i doing. Getting addicted w some online game at the wrong moment? Great.

Hahs, i'm once again the choosen one, together with marissa. We were actually not the students who are going to laos, but the teachers had to drop out 12 of them, so both of us were asked by the teachers t join again. ^^ , dua pai hor.

Woke at 9 and morning call tt tongpig. He still ask me if his voice got sound deeper anot. (Y)
Reach school exactly at 10. Damn pissed while walking, the road was damn muddy and it makes my shoe dirty. However it somehow reminds me of 'pao ba hai zi'. LOL. Well it was a very old movie.

We were informed about laos thingy, filled in our particulars and they're goin t buy the tickets soon. However its still not the comfirmed list. wtf is this. Imagine if im not picked, i'll had t start all over from ZERO, again. WAit but before that i somehow feels that i will hav the opportunity nah. HOPE so. haha~

Went t mac aft sch w marissa. Ate while waiting for cow. The three of us were suppose t be studying, however marissa left cos her parents were picking her up t somewhr else, and this lead t me and cow's motivation gone. Since we alr had no mood t study, we headed t cow's hse and watch paranormal activity. Damn boring, and some part was funny i swear. Stupid cow keep hug me.

Went home ard 6+. Was crazily singing in my room and blasting the music that i didn't realise my mother was actually in front of me shouting t me. oh gosh = =. Besides i was singing like killing pigs. =3=

Bathed, ate dinner, tv, com(Y). Then bloggeh, you should know what i'll do next. Being a no-life gamer yeah. was playin w xm until smth cropped up. Marcus came into my rm and told t me look at msn, den he left. I don't get it he's being hot and cold and always at the wrong timing. He was like 'busy uh, playin w ur master uh nvm dun disturb u' and blablabla. I don't get it. CAn't you just get straight to the point and tell me what you want. Besides even if u said it, you still told me the wrong thing. You liked me and i really cant believe it like seriously cause u've just known me for a few days and i can't accept you.I hope you'll understand why but i doubt you'll get t see what i've typed here. Forget it, so since i'm off t msn, ppl started talkin t me and i cant just leave. I manage t handle the others easily but i've forgotten abt jenson's chalet.

So jes was like , pissed i guess. So i'll have t do things fast. I texted jenson,rachel and dongwei & randy called me. LOL nice. So we started off as chatting and totally forget about the important points. They were like fucking noisy over there while im having headaches. So i've decided to hang up and tell me t text me the address. BLABLABLA things happen and almost quarrelled w everyone but i managed t control. Phew.

Well . Headed off t audi after that. Ops and anw i am suppose t be offline. he say he wun tok t me if i dun wan slp leyyy. SHALL SEE. haha. Cos im feelin giddy. i swear.
Anyway. By the time i went in xm's gone. Sry i shld hav tell u earlier that he's drinking and don't msg him first. Bud i guess i'm too late cos u're alr gettin all worried.

So overall today was a sucky day, quite. I'm sad that i can't stay overnight at cow's. :(
OHYE and b4 tt, whn i entered audi aft i finished handling my problems, SIA invited me to her LP~ I would always love t join idk why. Generously donated the most ex dens w/o hesistating cos she had once been a gd help t me ley. XD & oh my god i think i know her thru leon deh.
They were funny and therefore i guess my day ended quite peacefull yeah. I'm slping earlier today, finally had the sleeping mood but it's bcos im feelin unwell and now i've t thinking what can i do tml alr.



I should really start t borrow books, do more revision papers. Instead of sayin 'i will study', why not say things that you'll need t do, and strike it out whn u've done it? Teehee.
Random much yeah. Cos i tink i'll do it like tml.

Sososo. Tml's schedule: - Library perhaps
- Shopping at tm/t1/cs
- Jenson's chalet
- >>>????<<< :D

Alright, lili's going to bed now. Honestly speaking i dun look like but im worrying inside. seriously. im afraid he'll do reckless things. And hw can he say tt to her. sighed. Though we're competitors but wad ur're doing t her is overboard. Sighed sighed. Sighing makes one t shorten their life. So i shld sigh more. HAh jus kidding .

Nite.

Dear kami sama,
I'm afraid that my feelings will grow deeper as time grows.
I have no idea things are going for the better or worse, but i just know that i want him.
Everytime i listens to his voice, it just simply gives me a comfortable feeling and i wanted to be with him. He is not like what he seems to be. Even if we can't be couple, i would still like to try and help him. Yes he really sucks, but who's perfect, you tell me?

Sorry i don't dare to face you because i've broken my promise.
What i've said to you are nothing but lies and i'm sure you'll be disappointed if you saw what i'm doing and what HE's doing.
Sorry but really, i still don't have enough cruelty to finish it off with my own hands. If it was that easy, I must have been lying to myself. I wanted to be myself and not controlling. I know what i'm doing and i will face the consequences if anything happens. I don't expect forgiveness but please understand. Sorry, jes. Don't worry i still love ya. Laughs.

K i'm really tired now. Nights bloogeh night world. CHU. =3=